Sunday, April 29

On Sulphurs, the Lehigh Valley, its fly shops, and the Heritage Fly Shop.

C'mon, that bitch is charming, and you know it.
According to the US Census, the Allentown-Bethlehem-Easton-PA-NJ-Metroplex, aka Lehigh Valley, is the third most populated area in all of Pennsylvania... so why the hell can't we have a big ole fly shop without driving to goddamned Reading?

Oh well, at least we have the Heritage Fly Shop, formerly the Little Lehigh Fly Shop.

That's not really a fair assessment. To say, in the past, "at least there's the LLFS" was a fair statement, because the former proprietier was, for all intents and purposes, a raging cockhole. That's probably part of why its not his shop, but someone else's, now.

Don't get me wrong, Dave (the new guy) has the same floor space and general supplies the old shop did, but he brings a much better atttitude about the place...and frankly, that matters. Alot. I will go out of my way to buy what I can at the LLFS rather than bulk up a mail order for sundries elsewhere, because you want to support the local guy, and especially the local guy who's not a raging asshole.

So, this part of the post, Dave, is dedicated to you for not being an asshole, and for being not only the sole fly shop of the Lehigh Valley, but the one with the most character. While my meager purchases probably don't make much of a dent, I'll continue to give them to you because you smile at me and greet me when I come through the door, and that means a whole lot.

Dave sold me a Fenwick, gave me some tips on using woodchuck fur, and generally is a good guy. I wanted to give him free publicity. Go buy something from him. 

Now, if I hear one more asshole tell me they're fishing sulphurs I will fucking murder someone.
You're not. You haven't been. You will. You probably even will soon.

OK, fine, you caught fish on a sulphur fly, and what's that got to do with the price of DuPont paint in England? Not a goddamned thing! You stuck something like food in a fishes' face, and it ate it.

Moar no.
So, you'll probably argue that you saw lots of 'em, right? I don't plan to answer for exotic getaways like Spring Creek, but here, in our shitty little Allentown-Bethlehem-Easton-PA-NJ-Metroplex you didn't. You fished crane flies (sz16 and 18), caddis (14 and 16) and other assorted light coloured mayflies that probably have fancy Latin names but aren't actually "sulphurs." 

I've been seeing the same yellowy little flying shits you have for the last month, and they're not sulphurs.

Until today...But y'know what, the couple I saw still don't make for a sulphur hatch, so just shut the fuck up already. Just because you fished a sulphur pattern doesn't mean you accomplished anything ground breaking. 

Also, try a caddis fly. Why? Because they're not eating sulphurs, yet.


  1. This post had less self-loathing than any post I have ever read on this blog. And I've been reading it for a long time.

  2. I've been directing my hatred outwards, mostly at the hordes of people who insist yellow crane flies are gigantor sulphurs.

    I promise I'll ramp it up for the next one.

  3. Also, I didn't want to negatively effect the message of, "that guy Dave at Heritage is a nice guy, buy his shit because its nice having a local source for hooks in the Lehigh valley so I don't have to drive my shit 45 minutes to TCO or Cabelers to buy some, or have my friend drop a bag in the mail because I'm too pissy to pay for 50 cents worth of mail fee and $4.99 to have some minimum wage slob drop them into an envelope and hit PRINT on his screen."